The Life Of Reilly

The Da Vinci Code, etal

2006-05-15T12:54:00.000-05:00

Okay, it's my turn to gripe.

I read the Da Vinci code, in fact I read all of Dan Brown's books. What part of fiction is the concept so difficult to grasp? Can't people just read a book for pleasure? I've heard people say it shakes their faith, (guess they didn't have much to start with), the church has kept a clandestine cover up (give me a break), now Rome has gotten their two cents in. PEOPLE, IT'S A WORK OF FICTION - GET OVER IT.

The city of Burbank issued their 2006 vehicle sticker depicting a soldier kneeling in front of a cross of a fallen soldier. You guesed it, an athiest is complaning it offends them. Get a life, move to Iraq. I'm sure they'll take good care of you.

Again, what part of illegal immigrant is so difficult to understand. I have no problem with anyone who wants to come to America to work or live. Just do it legally. Our language is English, if you want permanent residency learn it. If I went to live in a foreign country I would learn their language. If you want to live here you abide by the rules, or don't apply for a drivers license. I want to see the face to make sure it's you. Don't complain about the National Guard being used for border security, that's the job of the National Guard, homeland security. Their job isn't Iraq. That's the job of the Armed Forces. Not enough troops you say? Guess what, draft boards are still active. Got a problem with gathering phone numbers looking for a pattern, tough. Maybe the next time you'll be the target. As far as I'm concerned you can run all the numbers you want through your computers, if you find patterns going to suspected terrorist cells, stomp on them with everything you've got. Maybe all those bleeding heart left wing liberals and assorted conservatives ought to review the 9/11 tapes over, and over, and over. Maybe they should convene hearings and talk to the survivors of the towers or Flight 93. Maybe they should just do us all a favor and resign and get someone with guts to fill the spots.

I'm through now.

Quotes From George Carlin

2006-03-25T22:42:00.000-06:00

The following are quotes from George Carlin. I still get a kick out of them. How many do you remember?

1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

4. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section? " She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

7. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

8. Is there another word for synonym?

9. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

10. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all? "

11. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

12. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

13. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

14. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

15. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

16. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

18. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

19. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

20. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

25. How is it possible to have a civil war?

26. If God dropped acid, would he see people?

27. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?

28. If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?

29. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

30. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

31. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

32. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

33. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

34. Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?

35. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that shit?

36. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.

37. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.

38. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.

39. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

40. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

41. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

42. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

43. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

44. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.

45. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

46. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

47. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

48. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

49. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too".

50. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Tagged Again

2006-03-22T07:48:00.000-06:00

Okay, once again I was tagged by Mary. The good thing is that the questions are few, but thought provoking?

1. If I was only allowed to keep one plant in my garden which would it be?

Let's see, the rose bushes are constantly trying to take over everything else; the grasses while they shelter little critters are a pain to clean up at year end; the oriental lilies bloom once then take the rest of the year off; the Lady's Mantle only looks good when water is on the plant; don't even talk about hosta; the vote is still out on Sweet William; the Iris were just planted last fall so no decision can be made; the ones I can't remember the name of are naturally excluded; therefore I choose both the Blackeyed Susans and the Day Lilies. They continue to bloom and multiply from Spring to Autum and I enjoy them equally.

2. If there was only one thing invented in the past 100 years that I was permitted to keep, what would it be?

The automobile because it provides the most freedom and opportunity.

3. Name 3 animals you saw yesterday (excluding cats and dogs).

Hector the squirrel who keeps trying to drink water from my frozen bird bath,
a rabbit running away from an irate Hector, and last but not least some kind of bird.

4. Which season do you like the most?

Summer of course, warm weather, blooming gardens, baseball, sitting in the garden drinking iced tea, barbequing anything, sounds of children playing - Good Times.

5. Name the person who imparted the most wisdom into your life?

My Dad who taught me ...........

What being a man means
That when all is said and done, your name is your legacy
What it means to be a husband and father
That hard work is its own reward
How to throw a slider and a floater
To take responsibilities for my own actions
And so much more

Thoughts For The Day

2006-03-11T10:01:00.000-06:00

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

2. A day without sunshine is like, night.

3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

4. I just got lost in thought. It wasn't familiar territory.

5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe

8. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

9. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

10. He who laughs last, didn't get the joke.

11. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

12. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

13. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

14. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

15. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

16. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

17. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

18. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!

19. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

20. Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

21. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

22. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand...

23. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

24. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

25. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

26. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

27. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

28. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

29. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

30. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

31. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

32. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

33. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

34. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

35. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

36. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

37. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

New Year's resolutions for safe PC

2006-01-08T17:55:00.000-06:00

During the past week I have worked with three people whose computer was corrupted by viruses, had their browsers hijacked, and various other maladies get their systems up and running again. While I am not a complete computer geek, I do know a little about software and hardware. (A little knowledge is a dangerous thing). Jim Harmening (Becky remember his brother) has a column in the Southtown that appears every Sunday. It's just a common sense column, nothing extraordinary, but things that everyone takes for granted. Todays column was appropriate because the problems I worked on this week could have been avoided. So keep reading and you'll get to his column

You won't let a stranger in your house, but you do with your computer.

You keep your house clean, but your computer is the home of your data and it needs to be cleaned also.

There's an old saying "I didn't miss you till you were gone." Don't back up.

Anti-virus programs are like homeowners insurance make sure yours is current.

Okay, enough sermonizing even for Sunday. Have a good week. I'll think of you about my second cup of coffee Monday morning.

New Year's resolutions for safe PC

Sunday, January 8, 2006

By Jim Harmening
Computer Bits

Resolution 1: I will back up! Yes, I said it again, and I will probably repeat myself every three months: Please back up data files, pictures, movies, spreadsheets, e-mails and financial data that you care about.

One way to do this quite nicely is through a USB drive. These have gotten cheap and hold 1 or 2 gigabytes of data for under $125. The 512 megabyte ones are around $55. I like the titanium Cruzer from Sandisk. BTW (by the way), I also found a great use for my IPOD — it acts like a USB drive that I can use to backup my files.

After you backup your computer files, you need to store the backup in a place apart from your computer. A home safe works nicely.

Resolution 2: I will clean up! You need to vacuum all the dust and grime out of your computer. Turn the power off and unplug the computer before doing this. You can open the cover and gently vacuum the interior, or use a can of compressed air to blow the dust out of the computer.

Resolution 3: I will defrag! A program that comes with Windows will organize your disk drive. It's called Defrag or Drive Defragment. Click Start, click Programs, click Accessories, click System Tools, click Disk Defragmenter. Once in the program, you want to defragment the drive. It takes one to three hours, depending upon how bad things are, so don't plan to use your computer during this time.

Resolution 4: Clean your CD and floppy drives. One sure way to scratch those CDs or have problems reading or writing data to your CD for backup purposes is to ignore cleaning the lens on your CD drive. They have cheap kits at most electronics stores (under $12), and they only have to be used every three to six months, depending upon your computer usage. You should do it at least each year — after you clean out the inside of the computer.

Resolution 5: Don't open spam. New virus and spam e-mails are coming out all the time. The latest threat doesn't even need you to go to a Web site. If you open the e-mail, it will redirect you and cause great harm. So, you should make sure your e-mail program (Outlook for most of the world) does not automatically open and read e-mails in your inbox. Sometimes, it is called a preview pane. Other times, it is just a few sentences below your e-mail with the first few lines of the e-mail shown. Either way, you should disable that feature. To do so, click View and uncheck the Auto-Preview option.

If you see the e-mail before you double click on your message, then you are in preview mode and want to disable it.

Resolution 6: Keep your Windows and antivirus programs up to date. This is a must in the ever-changing days of spam, virus and Internet threats. To set Windows Update preferences, click Start, click Settings, click Control Panel, click Automatic Updates — and make sure they are on. Your antivirus program has information about updates in the Help files. Or call the company's support line.

A Little Humor

2005-12-30T15:23:00.000-06:00

The Irish have a great sense of humor. This is just a little something to end the year with. Have a safe and happy New Year's Eve celebration

Father Murphy walked into a pub in Donegal and said to the first man he met. "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do, Father." The priest said, "Stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?" O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.

"Father, 15 years have passed since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all this time," he told the priest.

"I understand, my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"

O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Paddy was in New York. He stood at a busy street crossing, patiently waiting to cross. Several times, the cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!" but Paddy still stood there, waiting.

After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy approached the cop and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
An Irish priest was driving down to New York and got stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He said, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water" said the priest.

The trooper said, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looked at the bottle and said, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I Love The IRS

2005-12-29T08:25:00.000-06:00

Well, it's tax season again and while studying for my certification test I spent 2 days working on one sample return which carried 35 points toward the final grade. Try as I might I just could not make the return match any of the multiple choice answers for one of the questions. Of course the answer to that question led to the correct answer of the remaining 7, so quite a few points were at stake. I went over the documents provided in the text book over and over again. Now one of the documents was wrong, and I knew it was wrong, (the correct figure wasn't in the right box), but I continued to massage the return because it involved social security, dependent care, pension adjustments, business returns, additional taxes, earned income credits, so there were a lot of places I could have made a mistake. Of course the most obvious one I completely overlooked and finally after two days of total frustration just used the incorrect figure provided by the IRS, and of course everything worked out from there. Problem solved.

The moral of this ranting is now you know why they don't stand by anything they tell you if you call. THEY CAN'T EVEN PRINT THEIR TEXT BOOKS RIGHT.

Happy Anniversary

2005-12-29T08:02:00.000-06:00

Happy 10th Anniversary JC and Mary

Wierd Habits

2005-12-26T15:02:00.000-06:00

Okay, so now I've been tagged. Well I've been in worse shape. Wierd Habits, and you only need 5? Gee I have to give this some thought.

5. I can't work at a desk that isn't square and doesn't have everything in its place. When I was working if the cleaning people moved my desk pad and phone during the night I had to reconfigure my whole desk. There's nothing wrong with a little order in life.

4. Okay, so the icons on my computer desktop have to be symetrical, so what!

3. So I yell at contestants on Wheel of Fortune when they blurt out the wrong answer. What's wrong with that?

2. To go along with all the others it's socks, shirt, then pants. Anything else is just plain wrong, wrong, wrong.

1. I can't talk if my hands are tied. It's an Italian thing.

Cynthia, you are so anxious to be tagged, therefore you're "IT".

Merry Christmas

2005-12-24T12:38:00.000-06:00

The Tale Of The Rolling Meatball

2005-12-17T22:32:00.000-06:00

Once upon a time in a land not too far from here (this is presented as a fairy tale to protect the innocent) there lived a family of bears, Papa bear, Mama bear, and 3 cubs. The lived in a den at the edge of the forest near the village Green. Papa bear worked long hours and Mama bear took care of her cubs feeding them, protecting them, and making sure they learned the ways of the world.

Now most bears absolutely love honey in a jar, in a tree, under a rock, just anyplace. Well, that's most bears. This one particular cub loved, and I mean loved meatballs. So during the school year, yes the cubs had to go to school the time came when Mama bear and her one cub were invited to school for a mother/daughter dinner with all the other bear parents and cubs. Well things were going along well, everyone was meeting and having a good time and pretty soon dinner was announced. And lo and behold, guess what they had on the menu that night; not the usual fare of honey but meatballs and spaghetti. Well the little cub was beside herself and when they sat down to eat the little cub grabbed for the coveted meatball, but alas the meatball escaped the clutches of the cub. It jumped from the plate, jumped from the table, and began its dash to freedom. The little cub wasn't about to let that happen, not with the taste of that morsel beckoning her like the call of the Sirens to Homer.

Up from the table she shot and the race was on, across the floor under the other tables rolled the meatball seeking its freedom, followed in hot pursuit by the cub. Of course Mama bear was in pursuit of the cub desperately trying to dignify the scene that was playing out.

Eventually everything came together, the cub, Mama bear, and the errant meatball, which by the way the cub was not allowed to eat despite protests.

Mama bear and cub finally came home and Papa bear made the mistake of asking how everything went. The only comment was a terse never again; and she never did.

The End

Lunch With My Grandson

2005-12-12T20:19:00.000-06:00

Today I experienced once again the benefits of retirement. I awoke this morning, took a leisurely shower had a hot cup of coffee and pondered my activities for the day. (Actually, I got up panicked because I got up so late and showered and shaved in 10 minutes.) Now normally getting up late is no big deal, but today we were going to my grandson's school to have lunch with him and the school is an hour away and we had to stop and pick up the requested meal. Arriving at McDonalds in Frankfort I noticed many, many cars at the drive up window and being only 10:45 in the morning could only assume their final destination was identical to mine. Finally I received the requested 'Big Boy Meal' and was off to school where parents and grandparents stood with their McDonald's bags waiting for the children to come to lunch. When the children showed up they were given 20 minutes to eat and then headed back to wherever the next class or rest station was. Now can anyone believe a 1st grader could have his parents or grandparents with him for lunch and get it finished with talking and eating in 20 minutes? But it was still nice.

Times have changed since you girls went to school. They never had parents day or grandparents day to do things with you. They always had meetings to show what you did or didn't do, or could or couldn't do, but I don't remember just having a together day. If they did I guess I missed them all. And so what I guess I'm saying those years go by very very fast, and while you have to work take advantage of those years because they only come around once.

Now that I through with that maudlin display of retrospect I just may relate the tale of the rolling meatball on my next Blog.

My First Shot At This

2005-12-09T17:21:00.000-06:00

Okay, I guess I finally figured out a Blog works. In days to come I might post something prophetic, but for you what you see is what you get.