A Little Humor

The Irish have a great sense of humor. This is just a little something to end the year with. Have a safe and happy New Year's Eve celebration



Father Murphy walked into a pub in Donegal and said to the first man he met. "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do, Father." The priest said, "Stand over there against the wall."

Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.

Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?" O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."

The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
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O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.

"Father, 15 years have passed since my last confession, and I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all this time," he told the priest.

"I understand, my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"

O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."
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Paddy was in New York. He stood at a busy street crossing, patiently waiting to cross. Several times, the cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians!" but Paddy still stood there, waiting.

After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy approached the cop and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"
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Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
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An Irish priest was driving down to New York and got stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He said, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water" said the priest.

The trooper said, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looked at the bottle and said, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
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I Love The IRS

Well, it's tax season again and while studying for my certification test I spent 2 days working on one sample return which carried 35 points toward the final grade. Try as I might I just could not make the return match any of the multiple choice answers for one of the questions. Of course the answer to that question led to the correct answer of the remaining 7, so quite a few points were at stake. I went over the documents provided in the text book over and over again. Now one of the documents was wrong, and I knew it was wrong, (the correct figure wasn't in the right box), but I continued to massage the return because it involved social security, dependent care, pension adjustments, business returns, additional taxes, earned income credits, so there were a lot of places I could have made a mistake. Of course the most obvious one I completely overlooked and finally after two days of total frustration just used the incorrect figure provided by the IRS, and of course everything worked out from there. Problem solved.

The moral of this ranting is now you know why they don't stand by anything they tell you if you call. THEY CAN'T EVEN PRINT THEIR TEXT BOOKS RIGHT.

Happy Anniversary

Happy 10th Anniversary JC and Mary

Wierd Habits

Okay, so now I've been tagged. Well I've been in worse shape. Wierd Habits, and you only need 5? Gee I have to give this some thought.

5. I can't work at a desk that isn't square and doesn't have everything in its place. When I was working if the cleaning people moved my desk pad and phone during the night I had to reconfigure my whole desk. There's nothing wrong with a little order in life.

4. Okay, so the icons on my computer desktop have to be symetrical, so what!

3. So I yell at contestants on Wheel of Fortune when they blurt out the wrong answer. What's wrong with that?

2. To go along with all the others it's socks, shirt, then pants. Anything else is just plain wrong, wrong, wrong.

1. I can't talk if my hands are tied. It's an Italian thing.

Cynthia, you are so anxious to be tagged, therefore you're "IT".

Merry Christmas

The Tale Of The Rolling Meatball

Once upon a time in a land not too far from here (this is presented as a fairy tale to protect the innocent) there lived a family of bears, Papa bear, Mama bear, and 3 cubs. The lived in a den at the edge of the forest near the village Green. Papa bear worked long hours and Mama bear took care of her cubs feeding them, protecting them, and making sure they learned the ways of the world.

Now most bears absolutely love honey in a jar, in a tree, under a rock, just anyplace. Well, that's most bears. This one particular cub loved, and I mean loved meatballs. So during the school year, yes the cubs had to go to school the time came when Mama bear and her one cub were invited to school for a mother/daughter dinner with all the other bear parents and cubs. Well things were going along well, everyone was meeting and having a good time and pretty soon dinner was announced. And lo and behold, guess what they had on the menu that night; not the usual fare of honey but meatballs and spaghetti. Well the little cub was beside herself and when they sat down to eat the little cub grabbed for the coveted meatball, but alas the meatball escaped the clutches of the cub. It jumped from the plate, jumped from the table, and began its dash to freedom. The little cub wasn't about to let that happen, not with the taste of that morsel beckoning her like the call of the Sirens to Homer.

Up from the table she shot and the race was on, across the floor under the other tables rolled the meatball seeking its freedom, followed in hot pursuit by the cub. Of course Mama bear was in pursuit of the cub desperately trying to dignify the scene that was playing out.

Eventually everything came together, the cub, Mama bear, and the errant meatball, which by the way the cub was not allowed to eat despite protests.

Mama bear and cub finally came home and Papa bear made the mistake of asking how everything went. The only comment was a terse never again; and she never did.

The End

Lunch With My Grandson

Today I experienced once again the benefits of retirement. I awoke this morning, took a leisurely shower had a hot cup of coffee and pondered my activities for the day. (Actually, I got up panicked because I got up so late and showered and shaved in 10 minutes.) Now normally getting up late is no big deal, but today we were going to my grandson's school to have lunch with him and the school is an hour away and we had to stop and pick up the requested meal. Arriving at McDonalds in Frankfort I noticed many, many cars at the drive up window and being only 10:45 in the morning could only assume their final destination was identical to mine. Finally I received the requested 'Big Boy Meal' and was off to school where parents and grandparents stood with their McDonald's bags waiting for the children to come to lunch. When the children showed up they were given 20 minutes to eat and then headed back to wherever the next class or rest station was. Now can anyone believe a 1st grader could have his parents or grandparents with him for lunch and get it finished with talking and eating in 20 minutes? But it was still nice.

Times have changed since you girls went to school. They never had parents day or grandparents day to do things with you. They always had meetings to show what you did or didn't do, or could or couldn't do, but I don't remember just having a together day. If they did I guess I missed them all. And so what I guess I'm saying those years go by very very fast, and while you have to work take advantage of those years because they only come around once.

Now that I through with that maudlin display of retrospect I just may relate the tale of the rolling meatball on my next Blog.

My First Shot At This

Okay, I guess I finally figured out a Blog works. In days to come I might post something prophetic, but for you what you see is what you get.